Yesterday we had rain the first for some time as we have been basking in some early spring sunshine and warm days. We woke to find that it had rained overnight and was by morning coming down heavily. I opened the back door when I came downstairs and the perfume of parched English soil in the rain was wonderful! It was something I missed when we lived in France as although we had rain on dry soil and it did smell it wasn't the same aroma as we get here.
I remember sitting on the covered patio you can see here when it was raining or had rained and noticing the different smell and feeling a little homesick!
After lunch I decided to go for a walk in the wood as I thought there might be fewer people up there if it was raining and I didn't might a bit of rain - I am English after all and we are used to it.
It stopped raining as I set off and there were a few others in the wood enjoying the quiet like me and we passed with the requisite distance between us all very strange and like some kind of dance. I came upon this little den as I walked and wished I might crawl inside and sit quietly away from the world as it is just now But of course I didn't and it would probably have been somewhat damp and I had nothing to sit on something which wouldn't have worried me as a child in the woods!
It was lovely in the wood, the trees had suddenly become clothed in green leaves that hadn't been there last time I went and there were wild flowers such as Lords and Ladies, yellow deadnettles, red campions and herb robbert and even a few bluebells although they weren't the traditional British blue bells but probably escapees from nearby gardens where people have grown blue and white and even pink bells.
I did enjoy my walk and returned home feeling much refreshed and more positive about life and how it might be when eventually we are able to go where we like and to hug each other again and not do the dance of keeping 6 feet apart all the time. I am still puzzling out how best to get some shopping but for now we have what we need and since a neighbour came round with a letter she said had been delivered in error to them and asked if I wanted anything from the shops as she was going I now have a bag of potatoes and half a dozen eggs so we shan't starve just yet! Oh and the water butts are all full to the top again so we shan't have to worry about watering the garden either. What was bizarre though was that the letter was an election letter frm the Lib Dems and must have been sent last year so where had it been I wonder?
My plans to spend more time on things other than the internet, computer and telephone here I am 10 days later still not having done much in the way of creativity though perhaps a little less on communication.
Easter came and went and was a very quiet time for us all. The Wanderer alone in her little bunker in London and us here in our bigger bunker in Somerset. The weather was great with sunshine wall to wall - would be wouldn't it when nobody could go anywhere!! I did wonder whether to bother with any decorations - I usually have a vase of twigs with tiny new leaves which open over the weekend decorated with coloured eggs but this year I wasn't in the mood but then thought that not bothering might be the slipery slope to not caring so did at least pile the eggs into a basket and add some primroses from the garden!!
I also made a cake to use up some mini eggs I had bought thinking perhaps the Wanderer might be joining us over Easter which was of course not to be. I have made this chocolate cake recipe hundreds of times and it is usually good but for some reason everything I touch lately isn't as good as it used to be! (Age related or mood perhaps?) It didn't rise as it should and so was more of a chocolate biscuit. This however created a topic of conversation when I Skyped my French friend in France on Monday morning as translation of biscuit/sponge/gateau etc were discussed and what each meant to us. She had made some hot cross buns and had problems with the crosses which for some reason had sunk into the buns when cooked and were invisible! So it made for a laugh to share our failures. I needed a couple of birthday cards for birthdays this week so set to making those but there again maybe due to leaving it till the last minute they didn't go according to plan either. My next task is to sort out the paper and card and other items required and to get some new sticky things as my sticky pads and double sided tape had dried out and were not sticky, my Pritt stick wouldn't glide and left clumps of glue here and there and my Copydex tube is almost empty and comes out in blobs! I sent the cards anyway along with messages to say they came with love even if not much creativity!!
I am still feeling very up and down emotionally and wondering exactly we are meant to be doing or not doing having had so many friends asking why I was still doing my own shopping etc so when a friend in Guildford asked if I had heard that Waitrose was offering an over 70s free delivery of up to 20 items I called our local store to find out more. Seemed they were willing to deliver to me over 5 miles from the store (but the nearest one to us) and so my spirits lifted and I placed my order - 17 items and 3 for a neighbour - and it was delivered the following day all just as hoped. At least my friends wouldn't have to concern themselves with my well being any more. BUT this week when I called to place my order I was told that due to increased demand from customers living in Sherborne they could no longer deliver to those not actually living there and so I was back to square one!! Feeling very disappointed especially having tried as suggested their store in Crewkerne and 9 miles away without success. "You might get lucky with click and collect" the lady there suggested and then went on to tell me I would need to place my order in the usual way (whatever that was) and then add my government number which would give me priority (what number?) seems if I had had a letter from the NHS I'd have a number which I could quote. Failed again as I am too healthy and don't have any underlying conditions and thus a letter (thank goodness of course) I gather that various supermarkets in Yeovil are open for the elderly at 7.00 am but there is likely to be a queue! My mood plummeted further when I had a call from my sister-in-law who was all happy and bright and who told me I shouldn't let things get to me as we can't do anything about the situation of course I know that and does she think I like allowing things to get to me or choose to feel this way?! Then whilst making some cheese scones the Mouli grater collapsed and the grated cheese went eveerywhere and I'd had enough and stormed off to bed!! I am not proud of this childish behaviour but am just telling it like it is. I haven't felt so down for a very long time now and felt guilty as I know how lucky I am in the greater scheme of things I have nothing to worry about when others are really struggling but that makes no difference but simply adds a good dose of guilt to the mix! Of course I came back down and got on with the lunch and we had it an hour late but so what?! After lunch I needed to post the cards I had made so I walked up through the woods and out onto the main road and along to the postbox. A little further along the road is the petrol station which has a little M&S Food shop and I got quite a few things from my list and at the checkout the lad
asked if I would like him to help me carry it to my car but on hearing
that I had
walked he asked where I lived and suggested I could borrow one of their
trolleys (not a good idea through the wood) but then the very helpful
young woman who I'd asked where something was offered to drive
round in her break and deliver it!! My faith in humankind was restored
at a stroke!! I could have carried it all as one was a back pack and
one a shopping bag. So I will continue to shop there where possible as
the idea of getting to Morrisons by 7.00 and
having to queue is a definite no no for me! I am barely awake at that
time let alone up and dressed. I am determined to manage using smaller
shops rather than the supermarkets. So we have had some lovely fresh
strawberries for dessert today and I have
two chocolate eclairs in the freezer for another day, we have plenty of
bananas and oranges now and a veggie box came yesterday so we shall get our
5 a day alright. I'll cross the other bridges when we get to them.
courtesy of Google images
Today I am feeling much more on an even keel perhaps because of the walk yesterday and having done my meditation this morning too. I must take note of the motto shown in the picture above which was my junior school one and I can see it hanging on the wall in the classroom even all these years later. Ours wasn't illustrated just the words but this one with its 50s style children seem appropriate. I gather from some other bloggers' posts that I am not alone in feeling this way although there are those others who are quite enjoying the enforced isolation at home. I must see if I can get some flour and do some bread making and other baking along with some crochet or scrabooking as practice makes perfect and maybe I will do better if I try. Not sure what's happened to the text and why it is black not the same as the rest of the post as it is all the same size and colour in Edit!
Due to increased demand I am struggling during the
current situation finding I am spending so much time on the telephone
(3+ hours some days!) and answering e-mails (more hours)
and generally keeping in touch with friends then getting stressed as I haven't achieved any of the things I had
hoped I might be doing as mentioned in the following piece by Kitty O'Meera but fear I might only be "meeting my shadows" and
none of the other things!! I know that I am not alone in this and that all over the world people are trying to find their "new way of living" in these times of change and anxiety and we will all have to find our own way through this but it helps to know we are not alone. One blog which says more eloquently than I can on the topicis Sifting for Treasures take a look.
And the people stayed home. And
read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and
played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And
listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed,
some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think
differently.
And the people healed. And, in
the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and
heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
And when the danger
passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses,
and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to
live and heal the earth fully, as they had been
healed.
So I plan to spend more time on the
afore mentioned activities and less on the computer and telephone at
least for now. I really love to hear from my friends but I am just trying to find a way to keep in touch with
everyone and at the same time to heal and find a new way of living
myself! So that I am able to be supportive to them too.
I write to you all in friendship and
love and sign off with this lovely French compilation of a familiar (to
the French at least!) song from the 60s. which speaks of the need for
"tendresse" or affection/love/kindness/care
especially at this time of isolation and which was compiled
from videos made by each of the musicians all over France wherever they
found themselves in isolation - there's a lesson there too isn't there
it says that we are better together and even the virus cannot separate
us nor stop us from making something beautiful if we work together.
What a difference a month makes! Back at the end of February we were living our lives as usual, albeit having heard about some virus problem on the other side of the world, meeting each other hugging each other going to shops and cafes and on outings here and there and now just a month later our cities are almost silent, we are under "house arrest" and a whole new lexicon of phrases have entered our daily conversations. Phrases like "underlying health issues", "self isolation", "social distancing" "shielding" and "lock down" phrases we hadn't know existed just a month ago.
So from being advised to keep a distance of 6 feet between ourselves and other people, not always easy and called "Social Distancing", we progressed in jerky steps though "self isolation" and "shielding" vulnerable people and ending up with our country in "lock down" being told to "Stay Home" other than for all but the most basic reasons such as going to buy food or medicines, exercise or taking the dog for a walk, medical appointments if they hadn't been cancelled by this time, and going to work if one's work could not be done from home. Wild animals are beginning to roam our empty streetsand life is deinitely not what it was and one wonders if it will ever be as we knew it again.
primroses along our driveway - don't show up too well in the photo though
How has it
been for us here in our bunker? Well I have found it confusing,
complicated, depressing, frightening and a whole host of other negative
emotions as well as some positive ones too like gratitude, joy,
friendship and happiness. I have found the advice and instructions most confusing as the goal posts were constantly being moved and I was not aware for instance that driving to somewhere quiet for a walk would not be permitted, that shopping should be done in one's nearest supermarket rather than a short distance away and so on. I was not sure if being over 70 with no "underlying health conditions" lumped us along with being over 70 with underlying conditions or with younger than 70 with or without underlying conditions. By last week we had run out of many items and needed to do a shop it being 2 weeks since our last and the chance of shopping on line and getting a delivery slot within the next month or so being non existent we decided to drive a distance of 5 miles to Sherborne where we could shop at Waitose a small supermarket in which I would know where to find the items I wanted. The route along the A30 was very quiet just like it used to be when I lived in Sherborne in my teens, we parked in the open car park and I did my shopping without having to queue, or at least the queue consisted of a couple and me and they went in almost as soon as I arrived, leaving Mr M in the car and we were home in no time which I had thought a better plan than going to the nearer Tesco with queues round the block and where I would have had no idea where to find anything inside the bigger interior and would have taken longer. Apparently we were lucky not to have been stopped by the police!! On Monday I drove Mr M to the hospital for a routine appointment and waited in the car nearby to pick him up afterwards. We wanted a couple of things and so stopped at Tesco to get these but the queue was long enough to go right round the car park so we left the car in the car park and walked the short distance into the town where I went to M&S for fresh fruit and green vegetables (our Riverford box would not contain greens this week and we couldn't order another fruit box either) and Mr M went to Superdrug for his razor blades and toothpaste. No queues at either store and only a certain number of customers allowed in each so all very civilised and peaceful and much quicker than waiting in line at Tesco. I expect to hear that I have done wrong once again having had my "outing" going to the hospital and not entitled to use it for another for shopping at least not that day. It's all so difficult, doing the right thing is not the problem it is knowing what is the right thing!!
clematis on trellis by compost bins
The sun continues to shine here and Nature is doing what it does best and clothing the trees with soft green leaves, carpeting the banks with primroses and filling the air with birdsong. All is well in our neck of the woods it seems but of course it isn't really.
My walks in the wood adjoining us raise questions as now that the schools are all closed and many people are working from home there are more people in the wood during the day but if I am not allowed to drive the short distance to the next village where I might find a quieter spot to walk or into town from where I could walk in Nine Springs it seems I will be forced to take my walks on pavements locally which is not the same at all. There are so many areas surrounding the town that would be great for peaceful, isolated walking but as I gather we are meant to take our exercise for no more than an hour there wouldn't be time to walk there and do the walk and get back even if my elderly legs were capable!
\The bee hive compost bins behind the clematis
I know we are lucky compared with so many others and I do find moments of pure joy in the garden such as when I take the compost bits from the kitchen to the bins, made by Mr M and looking like beehives, and see this beautiful clematis which has blossomed so beautifully this year.
Mr M's handiwork a lovely place to sit with a coffee when the sun shines
Or having my coffee sitting on the bench - also made by Mr M years ago listening to the birds in the adjoining woods. My main concern is for the Wanderer living as she does in London on her own and working from home in a job that was only ever a long term temporary one and having tried so hard but without success to find permanent employment and having had a further final interview lined up for a job she really thought was all but in the bag only to have the firm put everything on hold due to the current situation leaving her back to square one with the only thing still on the table being an interview for a job in Saudi Arabia!!! She had a further video interview for this one on Sunday and was offered the post but obviously without a starting date which might well be towards the latter part of the year when travel becomes possible again. At which time there will no doubt be many more people jobless as firms have closed and then gone out of business and chances of her finding work in London will be even slighter. She won't be the only one in this position I know but it doesn't stop me worrying!!
BUT - Something I have learned is that we all rely on each other whether that be food delivery drivers, bin men, friends offering support, shop keepers and staff and not forgetting our wonderful NHS staff from cleaners to doctors and nurses from ambulance drivers and all jobs in between. No man is an island we cannot survive without each other.
What we really need is not the things we might have thought so important a month ago.
That there is so much love, kindness, generosity and friendship out there even during times like these. Whatever the world looks like after this situation has passed let's hope that these will live on and that we will remember not how awful it all was but how wonderful other people were.
Another sunny day here in the Bunker. I am so grateful to have the blue skies and sunshine at this difficult time as eveything in Nature is looking hopeful and hope is something that we all need right now!
Yesterday feeling a bit stressed with it all I decided that what was needed was a dose of shrinrin yoku or Forest Bathing not that the little wood that we adjoin is a forest and not that I intended to take off my clothes but just to be in Nature. Hope springs eternal I thought as I noticed this clump of daffodils on my way.
It has been too wet and muddy recently for much mindul walking in the wood but now the paths are dry again it is a peaceful way to spend half an hour or so listening to the birdsong and noticing the greenery bursting forth everywhere. Forgetting for a while all the worries and stresses about coronavirus.
It won't be long before the leaves cover the trees and this path will be in the shade.
A little clump of celandines at the root of a tree along with some bluebell leaves what could be more hopeful?
Last night we learned that we are to be in "lockdown", a word which along with social distancing and self isolation we had never used before nor knew what they meant, to try and slow the horrid virus - my initial thought was to be glad that we now knew exactly what we should or should not be doing as I had found the all earlier advice somewhat confusing but it will mean a major change to our way of living for some weeks if not longer.
We are OK and this morning the cheery Riverford delivery man brought us our regular weekly box of veggies to which we had been able to add a fruit box, 6 bottles of milk and 2 large loaves of bread to slice and put in the freezer (I hadn't been able to buy suitable flour to make my own before all the shops sold out). I was able to have a brief chat with him from the back door at a safe distance. We will need to go shopping later in the week for some other items like coffee and butter and so on but we shall not starve nor go without our 5 a day!
I have since come across this video which I plan to try for easy bake bread using any kind of flour which looks simple and delicious I'll let you know how it turns out if/when I do.
I am more concerned for the Wanderer as she is alone in a 7th floor studio flat in Lewisham working from home but she will be allowed to go out for food shopping and for her usual run or maybe take her bike for a ride (I have just been told by Mr M that she will be able to get it serviced if needbe as home and hardware and bicycle repair shops can remain open). It's interesting to see how little we actually need and what those needs might be; certainly not new clothes or sportswear, cafes and bookshops. What would be on your list of must-haves I wonder and how will that list change over the coming weeks and months?
If you haven't seen this you might ind it amusing. All for now keep safe and keep positive.
For some reason this post prints in capitals even though I have used lower case as usual.
Be careful what you wish for - recently I had a "week in Norway" which is my metaphor for having nothing in the diary and being able to do as I pleased for a week. I did enjoy it and it was indeed like being on holiday and I wished for more time in Norway..... well now I have 12 weeks in Norway that I wasn't expecting. Nothing in the diary no going to shops, or meeting friends in town for a coffee, trips to other towns or even to the garden centre. Nobody will visit us and no seeing the Wanderer in London nor her coming here. I imagine this will be a very different time and something I wouldn't have wished for but that it might be interesting when looking back to see what it was like and so I plan to blog about it here so that friends can see what we are up to and how we are coping.
After a week of conflicting and confusing advice and instructions, lots of fake news and far too much real news on the coronavirus topic we finally gathered that being over 70 and considered elderly we should be self isolating ie staying at home out of harm's way but of course that wouldn't be totally workable we would need to get out for fresh air and exercise and if we had nobody to help us we might need to go to the shops if we weren't to starve! Now I think Mr M and I are ready for this and have not been out to the shops since Wednesday when we had our last quick foray. We haven't actually stockpiled anything but shouldn't need any of our usual weekly items for another week or two, we already have an organic vegetable box delivered weekly and have taken out a subscription to Radio Times so we shall have both something to read and be able to find out what might be on television in the evenings. I also have plenty of library books which was lucky as the library is now closed for the forseeable future. We went to the garden centre last Monday and ordered bags of compost to be delivered and bought several packets of seeds so we should be able to have runner beans etc this year as usual.
It was surprising to me the sorts of things I wondered about in the night when unable to sleep - "what if" questions like: if we died would a funeral be possible? What about bird seed for the wild birds if we run out? What if the Wanderer was ill could I go to London to help her? What i we were ill with something othe than the coronavirus would we get to see a doctor? And many more such things. It's been like being on a roller coaster one minute being scared and worried and the next thinking of the positives like having time for gardening and spring cleaning etc (That hasn't happened though as this week has been taken up with e-mails and phone calls but I think we are settling down to the reality of our imprisonment now.)
Today I went for a walk in the adjoining wood - I hadn't been for several days and it was exactly what I needed a real balm to the soul listening to the birdsong, noticing the carpets of celandines and the bluebell leaves shooting up ready for the bluebells themselves in a few weeks time. Everywhere much greener than last time I went and the mud all but dried up and I even noticed some pussy willow with its grey furry catkins reminding me of Easter. I came back with a little Nature Table posy of twigs and flowers and felt much calmer as we sat with our cups of tea in the conservatory looking out into the garden with the daffodils and primroses in bloom and the washing blowing on the line in the wind! All was well in my world at least for the moment.
As we begin another decade the word which seems to me to be the one that is most needed is HOPE
I hope that this new year will prove a happy one for us all after the turmoil of 2019 and with the world in the state it is I feel the word HOPE is so important. (This lovely little felt decoration was a gift from my American friend of over 60 years!) So this post is all about hope and some of the many guises it comes in.
Back in November we went to London for a few days - I wanted to attend the Resurgence Festival of Wellbeing to hear some of the interesting speakers lined up see here for a list of them two of whom were authors - one being Raynor Winn whose book The Salt Path I'd found inspiring telling as it did about how sometimes when the worst things happen it turns out to be something to be grateful for in the end a real story of triumph over adversity and the other Isabella Tree whose book Wilding was the most hopeful tale I'd heard and showed how Nature can and will repair the damage intensive farming has done to the land and how wildlife will return if given a chance. If you haven't read them I can recommend them highly.
On Christmas day as we were on our own, The Wanderer not being able to come and join us due to train strikes, and as lunch was not going to be the traditional Christmas Day meal of turkey and all the trimmings I decided to go for a walk in the morning (waiting till after lunch usually means it is getting dark before I get back) and so off I went up through the woods. The sky was blue and the sun was shining and I noticed the first primrose along the path just the one but a note of HOPE,
I continued my walk along this lane and came to a field gate with a huge puddle in front of it reflecting the blue sky and after all the rain we'd had it too seemed to be a note of HOPE for better drier weather to come perhaps.
I returned home in time to get some lunch for us feeling much more HOPEful than when I'd set off. I had been feeling a bit low as is usual for me at this time of year.
Today 10
days later I did the same walk in different weather - it was cloudy but
with occasional sunny intervals and the ground underfoot was much drier
and noticed that there were now more primroses on the little plant
and many more daffodils in bloom too. That's what gives me HOPE - Nature will continue doing what she does best and the wildlife - the birds were everywhere singing - and plants give me inspiration and HOPE that 2020 will be a better year for us all both in terms of health and happiness as well as on the world stage and politically. Maybe we are not meant to live peaceful lives but to do what we can to remain HOPEful.
(Do any of the other bloggers who have returned to blogging after being away for a long time find stringing together a few words much harder than it used to be? My muse seems to have left me as when I blogged regularly I found it easy?)
