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Thursday 9 February 2012

Apron strings - what apron strings?!


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About 30 years ago I decided to join a group of other mothers for a game of badminton at the local sports centre which had a creche in which we would be able to leave our babies all about 8 or 9 months old at the time.  After our game we retrieved our children and mine was distraught and wouldn't let me out of her sight - I couldn't even go to the toilet without her crawling after me!  So I told the other mums that I wouldn't be going next time as it was obvious to me that my first priority was to be with my child.  "Oh but you must leave her in the creche" said one of them "If you don't she will be tied to your apron strings for ever".  "Well so be it", I thought and for once I had the courage of my convictions even though when they were handing out maternal qualities I must have been looking the other way as I usually felt totally at sea and never had a clue what I was "supposed" to be doing, but this I did know if my daughter needed me near then that was where I would be.

Now 30 years later I am looking forward to seeing that child again after almost 2 years as my wanderer returns.  I am so proud of her independent spirit and remember the day 23 months ago when we waved her off on her journey to the other side of the world alone.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done to encourage her to go when at the last minute she suffered from cold feet.  "You will always regret not giving it a go" said I whilst inside I was thinking "Stay here with Mummy"!!!    She has worked in hotels and bars in different places in Australia and even done some work on a cattle station where she looked after 3 children under 5 (she has never had the slightest interest in babies or small children - wonder where she got that from?!) .  She spent a couple of months traveling in South America with some girl she met on her travels, Christmas and the New Year in Thailand with another crowd of friends made along the way, traveled to Sumatra and from there to Malaysia on her own, she has had to be resourceful, independent, courageous and to use her own initiative all qualities which I hope will add to her CV rather than looking as if she has been bumming about doing nothing.  She will surely have a memory filled with different experiences both good and bad, a whole host of new friends made along the way and when she is old and sitting in her rocking chair I hope she will look back on these months and be glad she went.

I can't wait to see how she has changed - for such a once in a lifetime experience must surely have taught her many lessons.   Her flight arrives at Gatwick tomorrow evening - Sod's Law of course that she's picked the coldest spell in ages for her return - she tells me she was able to swap some of her summer things with another girl who had winter clothes ready for a trip to China but whose plans had gone awry.  She was off to buy something warmer than flip flops for her feet last I heard!  Now all I can do is pray that the forecast snow doesn't arrive before she gets here as she is hiring a car from the airport and driving here alone - she wouldn't let us go and meet her.

Apron strings eh?  I doubt you could find a more independent young woman even though I opted out of the badminton games!!
 

23 comments:

  1. Well, you obviously did the right thing! You must be so excited - I remember when my son came back from the other side of the world I was beside myself, and he had only been a way a few months!

    Pomona x

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  2. How proud of her you must be. What a fab young woman who has been so brave. You too were brave to let her go with such apparent enthusiasm (despite your inner desire that she stay).

    Here's to a safe last leg of her journey, and a happy reunion.

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  3. You must be so excited Jane. It will be lovely for you to have your girl back again.
    I know I miss my two when they're not here and they have never been gone that long!!
    At six months old my son wouldn't take his bottle from anyone but me not even his father. I then decided that I couldn't go back to my job in a bank as I couldn't possibly leave him, 27 years later and I'm still on maternity leave!!! ;)
    Enjoy your reunion. :)
    Vivienne x

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  4. You certainly did the right thing. I did the same! I was told I should go back to work and get my child looked after all day at a creche - mmmmmmmm - don't think so! I had the happiest children, who now have done their own things. One has been travelling and now married, the other is travelling with his girlfriend, and got engaged whilst watching the sunrise over Vietnam, and the other one has given me two wonderful grandchildren.
    Me, however did not have a happy childhood because my mum went out to work (it wasn't my who told me to go out to work she new it would be pointless! - it was a friend of my husband)
    Julie xxxxxxxx

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  5. Like you, I was not a very maternal mother but I would not leave my daughter either. She never actually went far and still lives a few roads away form me.

    You must be so excited, I hope you all manage to calm down at some point.

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  6. Jane, what a delight to read - and you must be so proud of your daughter. I think the denigration of stay-at-home mothers is one of the saddest things in our society today. Especially at the same time we are despairing about children's happiness. You must be so excited at the thought of having her home. What a wonderful experience she has had, she must be a confident and self reliant young woman. I guess you may be 'off air' for a while!

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  7. That's awesome news! I bet she'll get a shock with the cold you've been having lately! Is she staying long?
    I really wish I could meet her and hear all she has to share!
    xo

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  8. How lovely it will be to see her again. Speaking as a mother with two 'children' living abraod, I know how far away it seems, and how exciting when one sees them.

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  9. You obviously did the right thing and she grew up with confidence... but it's hard. I haven't see my son (who's 22) for nearly two years as he is travelling in New Zealand

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  10. I was told the same thing for various things I wouldn't do eg...leave my son to cry etc...and he is the most independent young adult I know. At 20 he has already been to Swaziland twice, to NZ on his own, various other countries and now travels round UK with work and is soon to start a cadetship with Princess Cruises!

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  11. What a great post.You must be soooo proud of your daughter.I bet she tells you all the hairy, scary stuff when she gets home and you'll be thinking-thank goodness I didn't know that.What a great thing to do and how good that will look on a CV.

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  12. Oh I would dream of my son having the courage to find such independance and to stay safe... he is such a home boy, went away to college instead of 6th form and has travelled home every week-end for the last two years - the petrol bill has been really ouch! - public transport here to the Dales being minimal and my son hating the thought of travelling alone - I would love him to truly fly the nest but like you would find it hard to lose that contact we have had as he has grown up. Enjoy your re-union whatever the weather throws your way.

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  13. Obviously you did a fab job with her! Enjoy your time together, will she stay in England now so you can see her more regularly?

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  14. I bet you are in for a lovely weekend Jane!x

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  15. Sounds like you got her childhood journey on just the right track to me, and she has carried on along her particular path with gusto, clearly.

    Happy homecomings :D

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  16. Jane,I shall be thinking of you this weekend. Have a fabulous time catching up with your daughter. I suspect it is because you of your parenting skills that you gave her the courage to go. If she only had flip flops she'll need that quilt you've made for her!

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  17. What a day to come home, hope she's here safely now. Like you I didn't leave my daughter when she was little although money was very tight and stayed at home until she was 13 - when she went off very happily to board at school having gained a music scholarship very much by her own decision and a lot of hard work. We bring them up to let them go and should be proud when they do. As my mother used to say, 'if you do it right they always come back'. Have a happy time.

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  18. I've been fighting with Blogger all day Jane trying to comment here!!
    I know how eager and excited you must be about the prospect of the Traveller coming home. I imagine she is excited too. Don't know whether she will welcome the colder weather or not.
    She'll come home very self reliant and confident - a woman of the world who can take care of herself.... but still the same lovely daughter as she was before she left.Enjoy your reunion.
    Cheers

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  19. Get that kettle on and enjoy her news......... there will be rather a lot of catching up to do!

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  20. It will be wonderful to have her back, you must be so proud that she has become independent and capable of doing so much. Enjoy your time together.

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  21. Wonderful Jane, I am sure you are going to have an excellent visit. I am so happy for you and your daughter. Wow, I bet she could write a blog about her travels!

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  22. What a wonderful time you must be having. So hard to let them go but we know we have to.

    I remember my daughters first day at university. She phoned in tears as there were so many 'negatives' for her that day. All I wanted to do was drive down and bring her home but I knew I had to press her to stay. She is now a Medical Scientist and fulfilling her potential.

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  23. Hi Jane, it must be great having your daughter home. I'm just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.com/

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