The post Christmas blues arrived early this year as even though the world didn't end on Friday 21st as forecast it was a sad day for me. I took little Bambi to the vet for a scan following recurrent bouts of cystitis and fully expected to collect her later in the day. However the vet called to say that the cause of her problem was most likely a "diffuse tumour" of the bladder and there was nothing that could be done it would only get worse so did I want her to put Bambi down whilst she was still sedated or to have her home and have to put her through the stress of another trip to the surgery later. How can you make a decision like that?
I wanted her back of course but maybe for her sake it would be better to do it now. A few minutes later I called the vet to say "Do it" and then was filled with remorse, guilt and of course incredible sadness. I miss her terribly - Tom has always been more affectionate than Bambi, and so easier perhaps to love, but for company Bambi was my girl as she was always where I was. Now there is no little cat waiting just inside the front door when I return home, no little cat sitting on the chair next to mine at the kitchen table (her favourite place) no little cat at my feet the moment I open a tin of tuna, no gooseberry green eyes beseeching me to pick her up for a cuddle (she mellowed as she got older and realised that being fussed was actually quite good), my heart is broken and although I do know (having been in this dark place before) that time the great healer will work its magic and I will be able to think of Bambi without this terrible weight of sadness just now I want to lie low so forgive me if I haven't been around lately to comment on your posts. Christmas passed in a bit of a blur here I am afraid and the only good thing is that I have lost several pounds in weight everything tasting like cardboard to me just now!
The year 2012 has been a strange year here chez Marigold and I am hoping that 2013 will be a better year filled with good things for us all - so my best wishes to you all for a very happy new year.
So sorry, Jane. Hope the New Year will bring more happiness and good times for you.
ReplyDeletePenny
x
I can relate to the weight of sadness you are bearing with the loss of your constant feline friend. My love and thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteWishing you happiness and health in 2013.
xxxx
I'm so sorry the news was the worst kind, but I think I would have done the same as you to avoid any more stress for the little girl.
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug as I know what a hole our animals leave in our hearts when they go.
Lovely picture of little Bambi, but knowing you did the right thing doesn't help fill the hole she leaves.
ReplyDeleteLots of heart felt thoughts coming your way and a virtual holding of hands as we step into the new year and hopefully brighter lights ahead.
Oh Jane I am so sorry to hear about Bambi, the pain of loosing a pet is like no other. I've been there and I know the 'weight of sadness' you describe. Know that I'm thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteVivienne x
So very very sorry. Hang onto the good memories, sending virtual hugs to you
ReplyDeletex
Dear Jane I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Bambi. Sorry too to hear you have been feeling so sad.
ReplyDeleteSending you warm wishes for happier times in 2013.
Helen x
So sorry to hear of your loss. That is a very hard decision to make and there will always be remorse wondering if you did the right thing. Wishing you all the best in the new year, Tammy
ReplyDeleteDear Jane, So sorry to hear of such a sad loss. I feel your heart break, it is so hard to lose such a lovely friend. I wish you and your family all the best for the New Year. This year has been a strange and challenging one for me too and I pray that 2013 will bring better things for us both.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best in the new year, Inge
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry. I had to do the same for my sweet tabby some years ago. But at least you know there is no more suffering...for her anyway, though you will miss her terribly.
ReplyDeleteWe have had to do this twice with our cats so I know exactly how you are feeling.The last time we were so upset we said we wouldn't get another cat but of course we did.Ziggy came to us exactly a year ago today as a 12 week old kitten from the rescue centre.He is lovely and his default position as you approach is to roll over and invite you to tickle his tummy.
ReplyDeleteI felt a lump in my throat as I read your post. Such sad news. As you have commented time is the best healer when the pain gives way to fond memories.
ReplyDeleteJune
Oh Jane! I can tell your heart is broken! I am sorry Bambi crossed the Rainbow Bridge!
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and love across the miles,
So sorry to read this. I know how great the loss of a pet can be. They are friends indeed and are always missed. I still miss my two departed boys and they left me over 10 years ago. You did the right thing for her.
ReplyDeleteAll the best for the new year.
M x
I'm so sorry, Jane. You will miss your sweet Bambi. I hope that 2013 is full of lovely things for you.
ReplyDeleteJane, I am so sorry to read of your loss. I hope that 2013 will be a better year for all.
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry about your little cat. We have an elderly one, and the sad time always comes when they rely on us to do them this last kindness. It's always hard. Wishing you a much happier 2013, and many thanks for your beautiful uplifting blog.
ReplyDeleteKathleen in Washington
That is a particular grief I also know, only too well, and my heart goes out to you. Hopes and prayers for your 2013 to be full of light and goodness and love.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your kitty being sick. It's so hard to lose a pet, they are such a part of our families.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you,
Anne xx
oh no, i am so so sorry, I truly know the pain youre feeling, I am still feeling it for my beloved dog 4 months on. I would say it gets better, but in my case its a very slow process. I am sending you all the love and empathy i can. Be gentle on yourself, allow yourself to grieve. one day we will smile at the memories, I do so understand that day will take a little while to come.
ReplyDeletehugs
Leanne x
talesofsimpledays.blogspot.co.uk
Jane,don't you just love the way people who you don't really know personally, do really understand how it is for you? Jill's image of a virtual holding of hands to step into the New Year together brings a lump to my throat. Holding out a hand from over here too and thinking of you as start another chapter for 2013. xx
ReplyDeletePlease Jane, I'd love to be included in the virtual link of friends holding hands and supporting each other into a new year.
ReplyDeleteSo sad for you, losing a pet is losing a family member - like amny of your readers, we have been through it ourselves and know those feelings only too well. But we are always glad to think of our small friends being painfree and at rest.
Have a very gentle entry into the new year, take time to gather your thoughts, feelings and courage and we will be here waiting to hear from you when ou are ready. Hugs and best wishes, Lxxx
I know how it is to have your heart broken by the loss of a pet...try to keep happy memories and shed a few tears when it's needed...thinking of you
ReplyDeleteVery sad news Jane. I am glad to see the back of 2012. I hope that 2013 is filled with good health and good fortune for you.x
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your loss which I can totally relate to. Hope you have lots of happy memories of her. Be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear, dear, dear... how terribly, terribly sad for you. However, I am sure that little friend of yours was looked after and loved soooooooo much Jane. I really know what you are going through as we lost ours a few months ago and still expect him to trundle through the door....
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. Big hugs x
ReplyDeleteHow sad to lose Bambi so close to Christmas. I've travelled this road many times myself and it never gets any easier to say goodbye to much loved friends. I hope that the pain will ease as 2013 progresses and that it will hold happier times for you.
ReplyDeleteLosing one of our beloved fur babies is such a sad sad thing, we miss them so very much. I hope that 2013 will still bring you joy and happiness though. xx
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this Jane, the loss of a much loved pet is so hard to bear. Gentle hugs x
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. Having to make this decision is so horrendous even though you know it is the kindest thing to do. Time is a healer but you never forget such a special companion, they live on in your heart.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Thinking of you. You will always have your lovely memories and photos to hang on to. Viv x
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your friend; both Bernard and I lost a cat each last year so I can appreciate how you must feel. Ashley is with his friends at the bottom of the garden, friends reunited.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read about your cat - I know how much we love them.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry and I know how painful this is having had to do it twice in the past with my Siamese cats for the same condition.
ReplyDeleteWith one of them I had to travel to the States the next day alone and I cried for most of the plane journey.
It helped me on my return to write a poem for her which resides in calligraphy on my hall wall ever since.
Hope you have a good and Blessed 2013.
It is always hard to say goodbye to a much loved Furry Baby. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Jane. X
ReplyDeleteJane, my sympathies are with you. Our pets are a huge part of our lives, I still remember fondly our dog who died when I was a teenager. In my opinion you did the kindest thing possible for your cat, so be thankful she didn't suffer needlessly as she wouldn't have wanted that!
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug xx
I am so sorry to read your news. You were blessed to have such a dear pet, just as she was to have you as her owner and friend.
ReplyDeleteVery best wishes for a happier time in 2013.
I'm so sorry Jane, to hear about Bambi. It's always sad to lose a much loved member of the family.
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