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Monday, 22 November 2010

More musings

Thank you for all your kind comments on my previous posts - I am afraid your confidence in my ability to produce a crazy patchwork quilt like the one I showed you here is sadly misplaced! I doubt I could ever do anything as beautiful myself and even if I could I'd never have the patience to complete it so please don't be disappointed when the show and tel pictures never materialise!

As you can see the jumper is finished - just! I will be able to post it tomorrow as suggested and hopefully it will arrive in China before the summer! The little leggings I found in Tesco - I rarely go in there since it's against my religion(!) but needs must occasionally and these seemed to be just the thing to go with the yarn I had. Ironically they were made in China!!

I have discovered a Knit and Natter group here and last week was the first meeting - a lovely group of other ladies with whom I feel very much at home. Today was the second meeting and I walked into town taking these photos en route. They serve to illustrate the rest of today's post.

Having got the knitting sorted out I took the advice on one of the cards in my Time post and took a little "quiet time" and whilst busily knitting up the plain part of the little jumper my thoughts turned to musing on this and that. Such as the double personality I seem to have and how in old age I don't seem to have become what I had envisaged when I was younger.

You see when I was younger I thought that given enough time I would turn into someone different - a cool calm earth mother type but did I heck?! No I think I might even have become more impatient, volatile and cantankerous not less. I imagined I would become wise - did I? No I didn't. I thought at the very least I would learn how to keep my mouth firmly closed unless I had something of interest to say but... you guessed it .. I still dash in forgetting to engage my brain before opening my mouth!

Some years ago I chatted to a lady on the bus who worked in the old people's day centre and I asked her if she thought that old age brought with it grumpiness and cussedness and she said that she didn't think so but that she thought old people became exagerated versions of their younger selves - if this is true heaven help you all if I am still around in my eighties and nineties!!

My thoughts then turned to another mystery - why I seem to be one person on the outside and quite another on the inside. And why it is that I do I not portray the image of the "real" me that is on the inside. Or is that the real me after all? I have often thought that I could probably have made a career as a criminal since nobody would ever be able to describe me to the police in any detail - they would say she was medium tall, middle aged (well I was when I first thought of this!), medium build with mousy coloured hair and grey/blue eyes and was wearing very ordinary clothes probably beige!!! I think I look a rather sensible down to earth conservative (with a small "c") sort of lady but inside I want to be different - to dress in a more stylish, colourful slightly ethnic way - maybe like this?!. Why don't I have the courage of my convictions when it comes to buying clothes and why do I always end up with something practical which "goes" with things? I can't do much about my height and build nor even about my hair or eyes can I but I could be more daring in my dress so why don't I? Then instead of this sensible probably rather dull woman you see here you'd get someone altogether different - stylish, bohemian perhaps and full of confidence and wit.

It's bizarre that I used to teach adults - me who hates to be the centre of attention and has never mastered the art of "working the room" - who at a party is most often to be found hiding in the kitchen with a teacloth in hand should choose to stand in front of 30 students - but was the teacher the real me? Was it because it was all an act and not the real me at all but a role I played? Or was it the one time I felt confident since I presumably knew more than they did about my particular subject or they wouldn't be there?!

Isn't Nature amazing - I love the way plants cling onto life even in such inhospitible places and thought maybe there's a lesson for us too here? Life is possible even when problems seem insurmountable perhaps.

Life's puzzles don't seem to get any clearer and I am beginning to think they never will. Maybe I need to take heed of the second card which advised me to "Be patient with all things but most of all with yourself"!! I am as I am even if that is not what I want to be!!

Postscript - Just finished this little teddy - made from an old tee-shirt - to go with the package - don't think I'll be going into soft toy production any time soon but as time was of the essence and the baby won't care it will do no doubt!


  1. Great post today....much of your musing is similar to mine, you manage to put it into the written word. Lovely pics too.

  2. Gosh - such a post and where to begin. I'm not sure how, but I guess I'm a firm believer in - if you are true to yourself then who cares what persona you put on to please - you or others.

    At the end of the day - it's your life and it is what you make it. Hope that makes sense??

    On a completely different note - I refuse point blank, to shop in Tesco - they are everything I hate about big 'bully' corporations and go completely against my grain too...gggggggrrrrrr!!

    take care,

    Nina xxx

  3. Oh Jane, so much of your post rings true to me - especially about dressing a bit bohemianly (I'm sure that is not a word)but M&S is my best friend and I want everything tucked in and pulled up and comfy these days. I try to add a bit of personality with some beads, ear-rings or a scarf, but nothing will add much to the Ecco shoes (However I have bought some spotty socks)

  4. Lovely post and so thought provoking. I am still waiting to grow up and as I do I find myself becoming more and more invisible. Thankyou also for pointing me to chinakidz, my jumper goes tomorrow.

  5. Another interesting and thought provoking post. I have been thinking lately that life is too short. I am still waiting to see what I will do/who will I be when I grow up. If I don't "take the bull by the horns", it will be too late.
    I don't like to stand out too much in the crowd, but don't want to blend into the background either. I wear neutral colours most of the time, but love to lift it with a bright bag, quirky shoes, scarf or jewellery. I've tried the bohemian look and I just couldn't keep it up, it's not me. Oh and I colour my hair, originally because it was a boring colour, and now as I refuse to go grey gracefully at my age, even though I always said I would!
    The jumper is absolutely gorgeous and well worth the effort you went to to conquer those rows! Very very pretty.

  6. Hello Ms Marigold!
    What a post.... it's funny, I'm training to be a counsellor and in my couples therapy class at the beginning of the week we were discussing how there is a different person on the inside to what we project to the rest of the world... that the outer self is a shell and a shield to protect the vulnerabilities and parts of ourselves we are not prepared to share with the world.... I have no answers for anyone but myself, but I try to quietly and happily do and be who I want to be and am on the inside... a tutor told me last year that I son't need to make myself sound more special (or maybe in your case, more conservative!!! ;oP) on the outside and that I am OK just the way I am! It was a bit of a shock that I was doing that, but made me think and continue to think about who I am putting myself out there as, and does it really matter what people think? Do I need to seem smart? Do I need to seem as though I have sorted myself out and in control of my emotions (because lets face it, who is???!!!).....
    OK I'll stop babbling now ha ha and let you carry on with your musings....
    I dare you.... TRIPLE dare you to go and buy a bright pink cardigan and then knit yourself a pink and red hat and wear them together and enjoy!
    Lots of love from Alice and Raymond
    p.s I LOVED that you came out of the closet in terms of not really liking Cath Kidston... I don't see what the big deal is either!!! I love cupcakes but accept that you're not a fan. XXX

  7. Oh my goodness, that comment was ridicuously long, please feel free to delete it from your blog and your memory!!! ha ha ah

  8. The little jumper turned out so well, I wish I could knit like that. And the teddy, oh the teddy will be so loved, it is so snuggable.

  9. Your blog name says it all to me.
    To my imagination Marigold Jam notes a gal with a wildly creative side and lets us all know it simply by seeing Marigold Jam at the top of your page.

    I've never once that 'beige' when I read your posts.


  10. Lots to think about there Jane. I think we just have to try and be true to ourselves and as long as we don't hurt anyone else in the process be happy with that.

  11. Wow Jane, that was a lot of thinking!!
    I think you should wear what you want, why not!
    LOve the little jumper and teddy. :)
    Vivienne x

  12. Hi Jane,
    So much to think about in your post and I'm interested to see that your musings resonated with many people. I think many of us have an image of who we'd like to be and who we are doesn't live up to that expectation. I suppose I would ask the question, are you happy with who you are? If you aren't, what changes could you make? It might be just one small thing at first, which might give you the courage to change something else. See how it feels? Does it make you uncomfortable, happy, feel more true to yourself? If it doesn't then you have discovered something about the person you imagined you would be or like to be. I'm not making a lot of sense here, sorry.
    Your musings are thought provoking.
    Take care,
    Anne xx

  13. Jane so much to muse on here. I think I quite like the idea that we become exaggerated versions of our younger selves until I remember how long it took me to stop being so painfully shy and lacking in self confidence! Lovely to be back reading your blog x

  14. Hey Jane, that was an amazing post, its funny how we feel about ourselves and then seem to portray another person on the outside, but really its whats inside that counts, our actions really do show our true nature, not what we look like - which is really not important at all, you seem to be a caring and very kind person, which is wonderful so who cares if you wear beige! I did notice some very pretty scarves in a previous post so it cant all be that dull! The little outfit is just so beautiful and very thoughtful, and the photos are lovely too!

  15. I share a lot of your feelings too. I want to dress more flamboyantly but am always worried what people will think of me. I think the little teddy you made is very sweet and will be treasured. x

  16. If it's any consolation, I keep looking at the gloriously floral tights that are in the shops at the moment.......... and sighing......... and wishing........ but NOT daring to................. Incidentally, that bear is GORGEOUS. I just love the simplicity!

  17. Jane, your writings are wonderful. I found this post amusing because you are probably the voice of many. I used to visit an elderly lady (she was wise), I remember her saying that she had spent most of her time playing a part, acting a role.....she was never truly herself. I found that really sad, but on reflection I think we all do that at some point in our lives.

    I would Jane at some point go out and buy something really different to wear. Take it home, put it on, and see if you feel any fact, I will be brave and dare you to do it!!

    I do hope that you will be blogging in your older age....I look forward to reading your posts....I love people who say it as it is.

  18. Woops...BTW Jane, speaking as someone who collects bears, the one you have made is lovely. I like the fact it is so simple....beautiful.

  19. Love the little sweater and the bear, Jane. Fingers crossed that all our parcels arrive in China. I think the comment about people becoming exagerated versions of their younger selves is probably true - from recent experience.
    My husband is quite a shy person, but put him in front of a class of children or adults and he is transformed. He wanted to be an actor, so perhaps he takes on a role.
    Daughter shakes me out of my comfort zone by buying me clothes I wouldn't dare buy!

  20. Oh Jane, so many questions and not enough answers! There are days when I long to wear bright colours and patterned things but if you look in my wardrobe everything is plain and sombre. I think I abandoned style for comfort a long time ago and my desire to be more bohemian and classy is buried too deep to surface these days. I got my parcel off OK and love the little outfit you've made. Is it the pattern or the wool that's giving it that lovely 'fair isle' look. I think Patience will be nice and warm in them and doubt she will worry that it came from Tesco. I'm like you and just won't go in there on principle. I have a real thing about their profits which I think are obscene.... oh dear, now I'm rambling on... what have you started.... Lesley x

  21. Just catching up tonight Jane.
    1. The little jumper looks great. Well done you.
    2. Glad to see you are taking some "you" time and it is very interesting to follow your thinking. You have a real talent for putting into words the way many of us feel as you will have gathered from the response to your post. If we don't think the way you do about everything you have certainly given us something to mull over in our quiet times.
    3. I'm afraid my wardrobe is dull too. I seem to have a lot of black and white ( good for mix and match while travelling) with a little red thrown in but my main criteria is what fits !!!

    Keep these posts coming. We all enjoy the traits we identify with which we find in your writing and a little self evaluation doesn't hurt either.


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